I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
