I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
