So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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