y did u give ur computer a hand job?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
