i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
