just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
