You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
