How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
