I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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