Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
