last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
