I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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