A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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