mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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