She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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