your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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