She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
