He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
