the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
