he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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