I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
