12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
