Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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