The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
