you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Why are your pants in the freezer?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
