I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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