I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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