Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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