Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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