I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
