that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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