Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
