shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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