why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
My life is pants optional.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
