i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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