Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
