Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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