Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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