Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
There r osticjed everywhere
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
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