how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
