I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Porn is love you can see.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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