dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize