vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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