My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
