I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
