Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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