I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I have tasted many bathrooms
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
