drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I need to stop coming to work sober
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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