We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
