There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
