FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
