How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
