Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
