Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
porn star boner night. come get it.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize