We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
