Apparently you make a good broom.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
