just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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