Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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