I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
