Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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