you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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