Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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