Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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