I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
So vagazzling was a success
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
