Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
