this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
