I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
50% drunk capacity currently
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
