everyone is single if you try hard enough
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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