how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
jump out the window naked night went bad
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
