My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Randomize
