So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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