If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
