they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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