just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
